


speaking truthfully

by orphan_account



Series: markhyuck's journeys around this god-damned world! [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Fluff, Kinda, Letters, M/M, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Break Up, and jaemin tbfh, mark is a dick, markhyuck, only at the end tho, protect donghyuck from the evils of this world!, renhyuck, slight markmin, the evils being mark lee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-14 01:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16483481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: donghyuck writes five letters to mark, remembering the good, the bad, and the tragically bittersweet.





	1. letter one.

**Author's Note:**

> first work on ao3 woooooo let's go
> 
> sorry if there r any typos skdksdjdjs i wrote this in 10 minutes..

mark,

 

it's donghyuck.

not haechan,

not hyuckie, 

not anyone, except

donghyuck.

what you're about to read is unfiltered, unedited.

just (part of) my raw feelings for you throughout the years.

enjoy (or don't.)

 

 

 

**to the guy who spilled orange juice on my white t-shirt (2007):**

 

i can't blame you for this, of course.

you were _eight._

naïve, innocent, just wanting to apologize to me a hundred times over.

(you're nothing like this anymore, might i say. more on that later, just not in this letter.)

 

the playground was fun; you kept scraping your knee doing whatever the fuck you wanted to on the slide, always running back to your mother for a bandaid.

 

she was a kind-hearted woman, and always fed me cookies (i guess that was a nice bonus), loving me like she did you.

 

how's she doing now, mark? i wish it the best, that precious soul of hers.

treat her well (for me, not you).

 

i assume you don't stomp around her house with muddy boots anymore. 

then again, it's better than stomping on my poor heart.

 

i miss the young and not-in-love us. the two boys against the world, keeping each other close and their juice boxes closer.

 

i loved those days. they're treasured, the memories of the blue slide and the forever orange t-shirt.

 

thank you for my childhood.

 

 

 

 

(i still can't get the damned stain out; even if i can't wear the shirt anymore, i've tried and tried again. endless bleach has gone into that son of a bitch.)

 


	2. letter two.

**to the boy who taught me curse words and what "gay" was (spoiler alert: it was me) (2012)**

7th grade was a _disaster._ but hey, at least i knew what "cunt" and "fuck" meant.

 

 

mario kart in your basement, your testing out the swear words whenever you lost, the gross, probably expired lays chips; to say the least, i was overwhelmed with how much of _you_ was scattered around like the dirty clothes on my bedroom floor.

 

i loved you in those 3 a.m. moments, moments when we should have been sleeping.

you gave me the world in your dumb wii console.

 

on october 14th, 11:36 p.m.,  you told me that "gay" was another bad, hush-hush word. i asked if i could say it as much as you said "shit", and you said no because this was a _different_ kind of bad word. you explained what a "gay dude" did and how our parents would never forgive us if we did what that dude did.

and i cried, cried so much poseidon couldn't control my tears, into your naruto shirt-clad shoulder.

 

i cried because that gay dude was your _best friend._

you didn't know what to do so you kissed me.

 

on october 15th, 1:27 a.m., i felt your lips on mine for five whole, beautiful seconds.

 

(ten years later, i wish those five seconds were never with you.)

 

we just weirdly hugged after, the mario kart music playing the distance.

 

7th grade was a disaster, but you were by my side through it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idrk what im doing @ this point but thank u for readin<3


	3. letter three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this seems rushed/unedited and it is 
> 
>  
> 
> raunchier stuff in this chapter but no smut sdkdkf

**to the teenager with shitty physics grades and a shittier heart (2017):**

 

 

i hated being younger than you in high school; couldn't hold your hand in the back of class when no one was looking, like we saw in those cheesy romance movies.

 

(did you ever really care about that, though?)

 

lunch was my break from grade eleven and from not seeing you all day.

and your hand on my thigh under the table while you talked to your grade twelve friends-

god, wasn't it _electrifying._

like your lips on my neck in the washroom stall and trying to stifle the experimental moans in our mouths, trying not to be caught with one of your hands up my shirt. you'd be lying, mark, if you denied getting high off the pure adrenaline we shared in the stall.

 

 

then, for whatever reason, on september fifteenth, 2017, you decided to tell me to stop "bitching all the time". 

 

and on september fifteenth, 2017, 

i should have realized what was to come.

 

the little things, as per usual in these sad love stories, started it all.

calling me "dumbass", "useless", or making me cart around your binders earned bitter eyerolls from me,

 

but what really fucking _pissed me off_ was the "crybaby" incident. (do you remember? bet you don't, since you hardly gave a shit about that night.)

 

titanic playing on your tv, my sobbing into your shoulder, and your telling me to "shut up and stop being a crybaby". 

 

(of course, my self-pitying ass cried even harder when i got home.)

 

 

i don't know why you always hid our relationship from your friends,  since i was too blinded by puppy love; now, i think it's because you didn't want to be called a _faggot._

stupid seniors.

 

 

 

 

i made my first friend that year: na jaemin, the flirty, over-friendly boy who decided to make my acquaintance.

(i'm sure you remember him _very_ well, mark.)

i would go to his house and just talk for ages while he listened, letting time consume us into her unescapable void.

(e.g. "ohmygodi'mtooyoungtodatebutireallylovemark" and, consequently, the "oh, no, darling! you're too good for that guy".)

 he liked this blue hoodie, always wore it when i dumped my thoughts of the day on him.

i never understood why he tried to break us up;  until i found, on your bed, the cheeky piece of shit's hoodie, laughing at me, callling me crybaby.

 

like you did.

 

so, i forced the ugly tears back into my eyes and fought off the choking feeling in my chest. i  folded the damn thing, placed it in your closet somewhere. (it could still be there, for all i know.)

 

my aching self didn't have the balls to leave you, not just yet.

how could i, when your love felt like the sun scorching my skin?

 

you beautiful sunburn.

 

na jaemin wore a white shirt the next day, and, oh, how i wanted to douse the thing in orange juice just as you did all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	4. letter four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it gets smutty kinda,,, dont bash me pls

**to you, who not only spoiled my innocence, but also my delicate heart (2018)**

 

monday, june eleventh: the day i let you give me the last false sense of warmth, the last hope that we could fix whoever we'd become.

 

 

you still loved mario kart for whatever reason, and you also loved when i sat on your lap.

so i did that, cuddling into you as you glided effortlessly through rainbow road.

 

(the one thing i can still kind of respect about you is your skills on that god damned game. i mean, holy fuck, how does anyone do that course with a 120-pound, 5'9" boy on top of you without doing so much as _flinching?_

props to you.)

 

the console then switched off. i was half-asleep, probably, when you kissed my forehead.

i let you. i let you kiss my face, neck, chest, stomach. only when you tried to pull off my sweatpants did i stop you.

 

you called it an 'early graduation gift', so i allowed you the pleasure of sliding your hand down my boxers.

 

 

 _too good,_ i thought.

 

too good, were you at putting on the condom.

too good, were you at maneuvering your way into me,

considering we were _both_ new to this whole sex thing,

 

right?

 

and, somewhere in between robbing me of my virginity on that gross couch and moaning into my shoulder, you cried out,

 

" _jaemin_."

 

i came on your couch minutes later, and even if you slapped my thigh for doing that, i didn't care. i only was trying to rid myself of that feeling.

 

raw, vile _hatred_ for you.

 

after it all, i cried (getting old now, isn't it?) noiselessly, because i knew that was the last time you'd make me feel loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imsorry u__u btw if extra end notes (besides this one) show up in this chapter pls ignore them idk why ao3 is so fucked up rn lol


	5. (part of) letter five + epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter hhhh :((

**to mark lee. (2007-2023)**

 

 

years of beating myself up over _your_ mistakes led me to leaving you once i had started college. i'd rather not talk about that night again, so let's talk about you.

 

how's jaemin? i wish him well, even if he was your mistress and i was your woeful wife in the shadows.

 

i hope that he loves you like i do.

 

yes, 'do', present tense.

 

what a plot twist, huh?

 

 

but, even if i still love you after all the shit you made me burrow my way through,

i've moved on.

 

 

 

can't love you  _that_ much, angel.

 

(i made this about myself again. oops.)

 

 

 

i remember when you came to my graduation ceremony. in the picture on my dresser, one of your arms is looped on my neck, and the other? discreetly around jaemin's waist.

 

it was evident (not for 18 year old me, though), even back then; you came for jaemin, not me.

 

 

5 years ago, if anyone had told me this, i can't imagine what i would've done to myself.

 

now? i don't really care.

 

i'm with a boy named renjun, he's my age, and he's a lot like you.

of course, without the cheating, soul-sucking motherfucker part of you.

 

(he's better at mario kart, too.)

 

 

i haven't told him about you, yet. he doesn't need to know, or else that poor boy will cry more than me.

 

 _love_ , i'd say, is a tad too overbearing way to describe my feelings for him, considering that i met him two months ago.

 

however, i _am_  extremely fond of renjun.

 

anyways,

 

take care of yourself. be happy. make sure everything goes well with jaemin. just _please_ , 

promise me you won't hurt him.

 

he must _never_ be another 12 year mistake of yours, got that?

 

i lo

__

"babe?"

 

donghyuck froze in his seat, making his pen dance off the page. when he realized who had spoken, he sighed and unhunched his shoulders.

as he absentmindedly stuffed the paper into a drawer, he called out,

"come in, junnie."

 

the boy made his way to where donghyuck was sitting on the bed, and plopped down quietly next to him.

 

"don't tell me you were writing _another_ letter, hyuckie," renjun whispered into his boyfriend's neck.

 

"'m not, baby."

"okay."

 

they stayed like that for a while, renjun clinging onto donghyuck and giving him chaste neck kisses.

 

"who're the letters for, anyways?"

 

"no one, junnie."

 

"i love you." renjun giggled into donghyuck's collarbones.

 

donghyuck could only reply,

 

"be careful doing that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi what the fuck the donghyucks shirt footnote keeps coming up what the FUCK.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make donghyuck's shirt white again lmaooo ty for reading<3


End file.
